I started this blog because of my passion for food but this has been a way for me to create and write how I feel. Food has followed me through all my major milestones and has impacted my life in a positive but also negative way.
I am here to share my story with you. I’m not here to say that I have an eating disorder because I’ve never been diagnosed but food has been a way for me to cope through different life situations.
Instagram might seem very glamorous and that I am always cooking and love food so much.
As a child, I never really had issues with food. But I certainly did not like to share. Whenever my mom would go to the grocery store, I would eat all the snacks or hide them from my sister. I was a food hoarder. I ate alone in my room and would try to hide the evidence. (That time I ate 2 peaches and didn’t want my mom to see so I flushed the core down the toilet…… 200$ later and a plumber the problem was fixed)
In highschool, I always felt like I wasn’t the prettiest or the smallest. I ran cross country and played rugby. I was tall and lanky but I didn’t see myself that way. I compared myself to my friends and remember in Grade 12 – limiting my intake; I would eat the smallest portions and run almost every day after school even if I had rugby practice. This was a way for me to control my eating/life.
Freshmen 15 … It’s a thing but didn’t happen to me until my 4th/5th year at school. When I started university, I was a little twig and definitely not the right fit to be playing rugby at the university level. I worked out a bit more, started eating more and the unlimited meal plan was a bonus. My friends and I would post up for hours and eat constantly but also we would be going out often. Trying to manage rugby, partying and school was definitely hard and I started adding on a few lbs.
Between my undergrad and post -grad, I had the amazing opportunity to work the Olympic Committee during the 2015 Pan American Games in Toronto. Let’s just say, I gained about 35 lbs from being on the road and eating out and I was in a complete rut. I truly didn’t know how to get the weight off. I didn’t touch a weight or go to the gym once that summer and it was awful. I was eating in secrecy because I didn’t want my mom to see how much I was eating.
I went back to school for an extra semester to play rugby and get my grades up and my coach had noticed my weight gain. I was 187 lbs and totally miserable. Getting back into the groove of playing rugby and leading my team to a first AUS championship, the weight started to come off on its own.
I started hosting team dinners at my house and this is where the positive side for my love of food started.
In 2016-2017, I was a bit on the heavier side of things. I then realized that I had to start working out again. I wasn’t working so I started running every day, slowly increasing my distance and going to the gym once or even twice a day. I changed my diet drastically and was only eating “clean”. My roommate noticed my weight loss and I sure didn’t mind all the attention.
A few months into the new year, I started dating someone. That person, totally had a negative impact on my life. I wasn’t the cookie cutter body that he liked. In his eyes, I was the “biggest girl” that he ever dated. At that time, I weighed 145 lbs… I was skin and bones and I kept working out and eating less to keep this body shape. I was constantly anxious and definitely pushed away those who mattered to me.
It took for him to end the relationship with me, to notice that he was so toxic to my growth as a person but also had such a negative impact on my relationship with food.
I had to be let go from a job to come back to normal. My life was consumed. I am now working in management for a spin studio; I have a dog and my blog is finally hitting off. Food has been such a huge part of my life from being an athlete, to just a teenager, a girl trying to find her footing in the world.
I am a HAPPY and HEALTHY 174 lbs and yes this is just a number but I finally feel amazing in my skin. I look at myself less in the mirror. Your weight doesn’t define who you are as a person. Your actions do.